1 00:00:02,835 --> 00:00:05,536 [♪] 2 00:01:18,577 --> 00:01:20,711 I work in a shoe store, 3 00:01:20,712 --> 00:01:23,481 And still I'm not happy to come home. 4 00:01:26,485 --> 00:01:29,354 Mr. Bundy, wanna buy some chipmunk cookies? 5 00:01:29,355 --> 00:01:30,989 No. Go away. 6 00:01:33,192 --> 00:01:35,793 You can't tell me you're not hungry. 7 00:01:35,794 --> 00:01:38,563 My daddy says you eat bugs and dirt. 8 00:01:41,667 --> 00:01:43,601 Well, you go home and tell your daddy, 9 00:01:43,602 --> 00:01:46,170 You have the mailman's eyes. 10 00:01:48,407 --> 00:01:51,009 It's food. 11 00:01:51,010 --> 00:01:52,844 All right. 12 00:01:52,845 --> 00:01:55,380 Gimme a box of these macaroons. 13 00:01:55,381 --> 00:01:58,382 Cash only...Deadbeat. 14 00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:02,654 I don't have any cash. Give me some credit. 15 00:02:02,655 --> 00:02:03,854 Eat a bug. 16 00:02:05,123 --> 00:02:06,957 Wet a bed. 17 00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,130 Ah, jeez. 18 00:02:18,971 --> 00:02:20,138 "dear al... 19 00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:23,808 "you always complain there's no dinner. 20 00:02:23,809 --> 00:02:26,077 Surprise. I left it on the table for you." 21 00:02:32,217 --> 00:02:36,220 You ate my dinner, you bag of fleas and ticks. 22 00:02:36,221 --> 00:02:37,522 I'm starving. 23 00:02:49,201 --> 00:02:51,269 Hi, honey. 24 00:02:51,270 --> 00:02:53,772 Oh, al, we had such a great day. 25 00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:55,940 Steve took us all to the zoo. 26 00:02:55,941 --> 00:02:58,343 And al, it was the best time to go. 27 00:02:58,344 --> 00:02:59,911 No lines or anything. 28 00:02:59,912 --> 00:03:01,746 Because, you know, during the day, 29 00:03:01,747 --> 00:03:04,282 All the idiots who have jobs can't go. 30 00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:06,884 [laughing] 31 00:03:09,121 --> 00:03:10,988 Dad, you'll never guess what we saw 32 00:03:10,989 --> 00:03:12,524 At the zoo today, with uncle steve. 33 00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:16,828 A family of vultures pecking the flesh of the daddy? 34 00:03:16,829 --> 00:03:19,664 No. A big gorilla, big as you, 35 00:03:19,665 --> 00:03:22,467 Scratching himself. 36 00:03:22,468 --> 00:03:26,070 Yeah, and he had one hand where his pants would be. 37 00:03:26,071 --> 00:03:27,772 And in his other hand-- 38 00:03:27,773 --> 00:03:29,641 You know how you hold your beer? 39 00:03:29,642 --> 00:03:31,609 Well, he was holding something. 40 00:03:34,045 --> 00:03:35,813 I think it was doody. 41 00:03:39,518 --> 00:03:43,020 Where were you around 3:00 today? 42 00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:46,757 You know, my favorite part was the penguin cage. 43 00:03:46,758 --> 00:03:48,293 It really makes you think. 44 00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:51,296 There, but for the flippers, go I. 45 00:03:56,935 --> 00:03:59,671 Well, the flippers and a breakaway bra. 46 00:04:01,173 --> 00:04:03,842 You know, you should be nice to me. 47 00:04:03,843 --> 00:04:05,944 If I hadn't told the guard that you were with us, 48 00:04:05,945 --> 00:04:08,112 You'd be riding a unicycle and clapping for fish 49 00:04:08,113 --> 00:04:09,113 Right about now. 50 00:04:10,983 --> 00:04:12,784 [doorbell rings] 51 00:04:12,785 --> 00:04:14,419 Oh, my god, I'll bet that's marcie. 52 00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,521 I was supposed to be out looking for a job today. 53 00:04:16,522 --> 00:04:20,792 If she smells fun on me, I'm a dead man. 54 00:04:20,793 --> 00:04:21,793 Stall her. 55 00:04:24,297 --> 00:04:26,631 Pretty pathetic, huh? 56 00:04:26,632 --> 00:04:30,302 You know, I don't think steve has what it takes not to work. 57 00:04:30,303 --> 00:04:32,236 He almost seems ashamed of it. 58 00:04:32,237 --> 00:04:33,338 I'll tell you what: 59 00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:36,207 If I ever get like that, shoot me. 60 00:04:36,208 --> 00:04:38,610 Uh, in case I'm not here when that happens, 61 00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:39,978 Can I just wing you now? 62 00:04:42,348 --> 00:04:43,647 Oh, hi, marcie. 63 00:04:43,648 --> 00:04:47,018 I went to the zoo today with the kids, and nobody else. 64 00:04:47,019 --> 00:04:48,619 How was your day? 65 00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:49,587 Superb. 66 00:04:49,588 --> 00:04:51,822 Since I got demoted to drive-up teller, 67 00:04:51,823 --> 00:04:55,593 Everything is just so much more exciting. 68 00:04:55,594 --> 00:04:57,262 It's a people job. 69 00:04:57,263 --> 00:04:59,664 They drive up to my window, 70 00:04:59,665 --> 00:05:02,900 Order a cheeseburger... Spit at me 71 00:05:02,901 --> 00:05:05,002 And drive away. 72 00:05:05,003 --> 00:05:07,004 But they're not all like that. 73 00:05:07,005 --> 00:05:08,873 Some of them actually try to pull my hand 74 00:05:08,874 --> 00:05:09,907 Through the chute 75 00:05:09,908 --> 00:05:11,942 Before they spit at me and drive away. 76 00:05:11,943 --> 00:05:16,147 So, between that and the cheery "hurry up, you stupid moo-cow," 77 00:05:16,148 --> 00:05:20,652 The 50-hour workweek just seems to zoom by. 78 00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:22,487 Don't let them bother you, marcie. 79 00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:26,991 Ignore them, chew your cud and hold your horns up high. 80 00:05:33,699 --> 00:05:36,100 Boy, what a day. 81 00:05:36,101 --> 00:05:38,269 Oh, marcie... 82 00:05:38,270 --> 00:05:40,438 I didn't expect to see you here. 83 00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:43,641 Oh, damn. 84 00:05:43,642 --> 00:05:46,177 I wish I could've been home in time to cook you dinner. 85 00:05:46,178 --> 00:05:48,313 Ah, I'm such a failure. 86 00:05:48,314 --> 00:05:50,815 Oh. No, honey, it's ok. 87 00:05:51,884 --> 00:05:53,751 Did you find anything today, angel heart? 88 00:05:53,752 --> 00:05:54,919 Oh, no. 89 00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:57,421 Not from lack of trying. 90 00:05:57,422 --> 00:05:58,923 I've heard it all: 91 00:05:58,924 --> 00:06:01,859 Too old, too young, too handsome. 92 00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:03,795 Put your feet up, folks. 93 00:06:03,796 --> 00:06:05,362 Getting pretty deep in here. 94 00:06:05,363 --> 00:06:07,799 Shh! 95 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,935 Oh, well, you come on home, steve. 96 00:06:10,936 --> 00:06:12,403 I'll rub your feet for you. 97 00:06:12,404 --> 00:06:14,338 They must be tired from walking all day. 98 00:06:14,339 --> 00:06:15,974 Oh, but dear, you work so hard. 99 00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:17,708 But...Okay. 100 00:06:18,777 --> 00:06:21,112 Hey, mr. Rhoades, before you go, 101 00:06:21,113 --> 00:06:22,747 I have a zoo question for you. 102 00:06:22,748 --> 00:06:24,682 When you were riding the little train 103 00:06:24,683 --> 00:06:26,017 Around bear land today, 104 00:06:26,018 --> 00:06:27,719 Were there any real-live teddy bears, 105 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:28,920 Like bud said? 106 00:06:28,921 --> 00:06:32,023 Or do they live someplace else, like I think? 107 00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:39,864 Uh, marcie, I can't go on keeping secrets from you. 108 00:06:39,865 --> 00:06:40,932 I was at the zoo today 109 00:06:40,933 --> 00:06:43,501 And I really didn't look for anything. 110 00:06:43,502 --> 00:06:44,602 Well, good, steve. 111 00:06:44,603 --> 00:06:46,905 Tonight when we're in bed together, 112 00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:49,073 Don't look for anything there, either. 113 00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:54,345 Well, then I guess you won't take this well, either. 114 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:56,414 I've been thinking. 115 00:06:57,550 --> 00:06:59,584 I don't really want to work. 116 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,253 It's boring. 117 00:07:02,254 --> 00:07:04,489 I'm having fun not working. Peggy says-- 118 00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:08,226 Well, marcie says, you're working, leech-man. 119 00:07:09,928 --> 00:07:12,696 Now...On the slim chance 120 00:07:12,697 --> 00:07:14,265 You weren't going to do squat today, 121 00:07:14,266 --> 00:07:15,933 Which you didn't, 122 00:07:15,934 --> 00:07:17,101 I called your former boss 123 00:07:17,102 --> 00:07:19,670 On my lunch six minutes... 124 00:07:19,671 --> 00:07:21,406 And he agreed to see you. 125 00:07:21,407 --> 00:07:23,508 So, if you could put on a clean suit, 126 00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:25,243 Brush those teeth, 127 00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:29,213 And put on some cologne to cover up that wombat smell... 128 00:07:29,214 --> 00:07:31,382 He'll see you tomorrow afternoon. 129 00:07:31,383 --> 00:07:33,217 I will meet you there 130 00:07:33,218 --> 00:07:35,219 To make sure you say, "I'll take it," 131 00:07:35,220 --> 00:07:37,856 To any menial job that's tossed your way. 132 00:07:37,857 --> 00:07:40,625 Well, I'm afraid tomorrow doesn't work for me. 133 00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:43,528 I told peggy and the kids I'd take them to the aquarium. 134 00:07:44,296 --> 00:07:46,563 Well, dear... I'm afraid 135 00:07:46,564 --> 00:07:48,732 You'll be rather uncomfortable at the aquarium 136 00:07:48,733 --> 00:07:49,867 With my foot lodged 137 00:07:49,868 --> 00:07:51,635 Where mommy used to put the thermometer. 138 00:07:54,339 --> 00:07:55,907 You know, peg, 139 00:07:55,908 --> 00:07:57,641 Seeing marcie take charge like that 140 00:07:57,642 --> 00:07:59,343 Reminds me of what a real man should be. 141 00:07:59,344 --> 00:08:01,112 So, I'm putting my foot down. 142 00:08:01,113 --> 00:08:03,114 Tomorrow, when I come home, I want my slippers, 143 00:08:03,115 --> 00:08:05,216 I want my paper, before buck. 144 00:08:05,217 --> 00:08:09,087 I want my dinner, again, before buck. 145 00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:10,654 I am the marcie of this house. 146 00:08:10,655 --> 00:08:12,489 I have spoken. 147 00:08:12,490 --> 00:08:15,159 So it is written. So it shall be done. 148 00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:20,598 "place cheese critters in water, 149 00:08:20,599 --> 00:08:21,699 "and watch them grow. 150 00:08:25,204 --> 00:08:27,705 Keep out of reach of children." 151 00:08:36,148 --> 00:08:37,749 Oh, hi, honey. 152 00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:39,316 You should've been with us today. 153 00:08:39,317 --> 00:08:41,218 We had a great time. 154 00:08:41,219 --> 00:08:42,987 Yeah, we fed a shark a hamburger, 155 00:08:42,988 --> 00:08:44,889 And then they gave a french fry to this guppy, 156 00:08:44,890 --> 00:08:46,457 And he exploded. 157 00:08:46,458 --> 00:08:48,960 And dad, they had those great hot dogs 158 00:08:48,961 --> 00:08:50,094 That you like so much. 159 00:08:50,095 --> 00:08:51,663 Mom put one on each side of her mouth 160 00:08:51,664 --> 00:08:53,230 And pretended like she was a walrus. 161 00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:58,703 Does anyone care that I haven't eaten in days? 162 00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:00,137 I haven't really thought about it. 163 00:09:00,138 --> 00:09:02,039 Not too much. Not really, no. 164 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:04,441 You look a little down, steve. 165 00:09:04,442 --> 00:09:05,576 What's wrong? 166 00:09:05,577 --> 00:09:08,579 The choo-choo through toyland shut down? 167 00:09:08,580 --> 00:09:11,015 Worse than that, al. 168 00:09:11,016 --> 00:09:12,416 It's bosco. 169 00:09:12,417 --> 00:09:14,151 You have some bosco? 170 00:09:14,152 --> 00:09:17,922 Well, let me spit in a glass, and we'll mix it up. 171 00:09:17,923 --> 00:09:20,591 No. I mean, bosco, the rare caribbean 172 00:09:20,592 --> 00:09:22,593 Pygmy sea turtle at the aquarium. 173 00:09:25,097 --> 00:09:27,265 He looked really despondent today. 174 00:09:27,266 --> 00:09:30,268 Was he selling shoes to the other turtles? 175 00:09:31,770 --> 00:09:33,604 No. 176 00:09:33,605 --> 00:09:35,572 They have him in an itty-bitty tank. 177 00:09:35,573 --> 00:09:37,341 He must weigh 200 pounds. 178 00:09:37,342 --> 00:09:38,742 He's as out of place in that tank 179 00:09:38,743 --> 00:09:40,477 As you would be in a library. 180 00:09:41,846 --> 00:09:43,948 Like a trouper, he kept his beak up. 181 00:09:43,949 --> 00:09:45,549 But I could tell... 182 00:09:45,550 --> 00:09:48,753 He was just a shell of a turtle. 183 00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,421 You should've seen them, al. 184 00:09:50,422 --> 00:09:53,491 Both of their little noses pressed up against the glass. 185 00:09:53,492 --> 00:09:56,027 You could barely tell them apart. 186 00:09:56,028 --> 00:09:59,263 No, the turtle is the one with the job. 187 00:10:02,301 --> 00:10:03,801 Oh, that's right! 188 00:10:03,802 --> 00:10:05,369 I was supposed to meet marcie 189 00:10:05,370 --> 00:10:06,370 At my old bank today. 190 00:10:06,371 --> 00:10:07,572 Ugh! 191 00:10:07,573 --> 00:10:10,274 Oh, man. Mrs. Rhoades is gonna gut you 192 00:10:10,275 --> 00:10:11,742 Like a fish. 193 00:10:11,743 --> 00:10:14,912 Hey, hey, hey. I can handle mrs. Rhoades. 194 00:10:14,913 --> 00:10:17,514 I'll just give her what she's been begging for all week: 195 00:10:17,515 --> 00:10:20,585 My famous chocolate soufflé. 196 00:10:22,588 --> 00:10:24,722 Yeah, it takes a good two hours, 197 00:10:24,723 --> 00:10:27,024 But a man's got to do what a man's got to do. 198 00:10:29,161 --> 00:10:30,761 A drug-crazed gunman 199 00:10:30,762 --> 00:10:32,730 Attempted to rob the leading bank of chicago 200 00:10:32,731 --> 00:10:34,032 This afternoon. 201 00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:36,767 His attempt was foiled by a feisty local woman, 202 00:10:36,768 --> 00:10:38,102 Marcie rhoades, 203 00:10:38,103 --> 00:10:40,038 Whom he tried to seize as a hostage. 204 00:10:40,039 --> 00:10:43,307 But he picked the wrong woman, didn't he, mrs. Rhoades? 205 00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:47,678 Is that gunshot wound through your hand bothering you? 206 00:10:48,980 --> 00:10:51,081 Not really, waldo. 207 00:10:51,082 --> 00:10:54,485 What's bothering me is, my husband is a screwup. 208 00:10:57,856 --> 00:11:01,726 You went to the zoo again today, didn't you, steve? 209 00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:07,432 That soufflé better be damn fluffy. 210 00:11:12,504 --> 00:11:15,506 Exactly how did you apprehend the criminal? 211 00:11:15,507 --> 00:11:19,710 Well...When the robber jammed his gun in my stomach, 212 00:11:19,711 --> 00:11:22,146 I did what I felt I had to do. 213 00:11:22,147 --> 00:11:24,449 I threw up on the floor. 214 00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:28,853 As he slipped on it, he knocked himself out. 215 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:31,456 But the gun went off and shot me through the hand, 216 00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:33,458 Horribly wounding me. 217 00:11:33,459 --> 00:11:36,961 But enough about me. How was your day, steve?! 218 00:11:39,965 --> 00:11:42,734 Well...Guess I'll go home, 219 00:11:42,735 --> 00:11:44,635 Get my stuff and head for the y. 220 00:11:44,636 --> 00:11:47,204 Listen, if she comes over here, you haven't seen me. 221 00:11:47,205 --> 00:11:49,673 Uh...Tell her I'm out looking for a job. 222 00:11:49,674 --> 00:11:51,042 She'll buy it. 223 00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:53,544 After all, she's probably loaded full of painkillers. 224 00:11:53,545 --> 00:11:55,179 Tee-hee. Oh, hi! 225 00:11:56,714 --> 00:11:57,714 Hi, marcie. 226 00:11:57,715 --> 00:11:59,983 I was just out, uh, looking for a job. 227 00:11:59,984 --> 00:12:02,119 So, what's up? 228 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:03,921 See this hand, steve? 229 00:12:03,922 --> 00:12:04,922 Yeah. 230 00:12:04,923 --> 00:12:06,057 See this one? 231 00:12:12,164 --> 00:12:15,766 Gee, this, kind of, puts the kibosh 232 00:12:15,767 --> 00:12:17,268 On the sailboat trip tomorrow, 233 00:12:17,269 --> 00:12:18,669 Doesn't it? 234 00:12:27,178 --> 00:12:29,679 Thanks for bringing me here, al. 235 00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:32,682 I'm sorry you had to see me like that. 236 00:12:32,683 --> 00:12:37,288 I usually pride myself on being a lady at all times. 237 00:12:37,289 --> 00:12:38,856 Hey, lard butt! 238 00:12:40,291 --> 00:12:43,027 A couple of brewskis over here. 239 00:12:43,028 --> 00:12:46,096 Hey, guys! A toast. 240 00:12:46,097 --> 00:12:47,464 To the working man. 241 00:12:47,465 --> 00:12:49,366 The last american hero. 242 00:12:49,367 --> 00:12:50,601 Right, guys? 243 00:12:50,602 --> 00:12:51,602 All: Right. 244 00:12:51,603 --> 00:12:53,270 We work to make a living, 245 00:12:53,271 --> 00:12:54,304 And what do we get? 246 00:12:54,305 --> 00:12:56,974 All: Squat. 247 00:12:56,975 --> 00:12:58,509 And what else? 248 00:12:58,510 --> 00:13:00,110 All: Nothing. 249 00:13:00,111 --> 00:13:01,512 Why do we go on? 250 00:13:01,513 --> 00:13:04,081 All: We're stupid. 251 00:13:04,082 --> 00:13:06,884 A toast to the stupid working man. 252 00:13:06,885 --> 00:13:08,786 All: To us. 253 00:13:10,155 --> 00:13:13,157 Do you know what really frosts my weenie? 254 00:13:15,694 --> 00:13:17,695 After you marry them, 255 00:13:17,696 --> 00:13:19,697 They don't care how they look. 256 00:13:19,698 --> 00:13:22,466 Don't even shave, right, guys? 257 00:13:22,467 --> 00:13:24,235 Right. Yeah, sure. 258 00:13:25,237 --> 00:13:26,903 Well, I can't complain. 259 00:13:26,904 --> 00:13:30,140 At least, I live with one who has a job, makes me dinner 260 00:13:30,141 --> 00:13:33,077 And doesn't mind rubbing my feet after a hard day. 261 00:13:33,078 --> 00:13:35,847 Yeah, but your mom's getting kind of old. 262 00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:40,717 Besides, moms aren't really women. 263 00:13:40,718 --> 00:13:42,719 I'm talking about the things you marry. 264 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,088 I mean, when you come-- 265 00:13:45,690 --> 00:13:48,225 I mean, when you come crawling home after a hard day, 266 00:13:48,226 --> 00:13:49,426 What do they want? 267 00:13:49,427 --> 00:13:50,828 All: Loving. 268 00:13:50,829 --> 00:13:53,030 They don't understand it's just more work for us. 269 00:13:53,031 --> 00:13:56,300 I mean...The last thing a guy wants to look at 270 00:13:56,301 --> 00:13:57,935 At the end of a day is a woman. 271 00:13:57,936 --> 00:14:00,037 Hey, look at that one. 272 00:14:00,038 --> 00:14:02,006 All: Ooh! 273 00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:03,307 Hey, al, 274 00:14:03,308 --> 00:14:05,509 You know what else ticks me off? 275 00:14:05,510 --> 00:14:07,444 It's the way they change. 276 00:14:07,445 --> 00:14:09,246 I mean, when I first married steve, 277 00:14:09,247 --> 00:14:12,483 He was a greedy, materialistic pig. 278 00:14:12,484 --> 00:14:15,886 He'd step on an old lady for a dollar. 279 00:14:15,887 --> 00:14:18,255 [laughs] god, how he excited me. 280 00:14:19,557 --> 00:14:21,558 Now, he's just another man, 281 00:14:21,559 --> 00:14:24,795 With sea horses on his boxer shorts. 282 00:14:24,796 --> 00:14:28,165 Oh, al...What if steve never works again? 283 00:14:29,634 --> 00:14:31,001 Lock yourself in the bathroom 284 00:14:31,002 --> 00:14:32,235 And don't have kids. 285 00:14:33,438 --> 00:14:35,740 Hey, guys. Kids! 286 00:14:35,741 --> 00:14:38,075 All: Boo. 287 00:14:38,710 --> 00:14:40,177 Case in point: 288 00:14:40,178 --> 00:14:42,679 See that old man in the corner there? 289 00:14:48,219 --> 00:14:50,054 Neil cockran. Eight kids. 290 00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:52,122 He's 30 years old. 291 00:14:56,694 --> 00:14:59,196 Steve and I talked about having children. 292 00:14:59,197 --> 00:15:01,698 God, can you imagine that life? 293 00:15:01,699 --> 00:15:03,700 You, the only working parent, 294 00:15:03,701 --> 00:15:05,803 A couple of kids chained to your wallet. 295 00:15:05,804 --> 00:15:07,037 Ugh! 296 00:15:07,038 --> 00:15:09,740 I'd rather have a knife plunged in my throat. 297 00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:16,614 Sorry. 298 00:15:16,615 --> 00:15:19,783 Oh. I guess what's really bothering me here 299 00:15:19,784 --> 00:15:22,186 About steve is that, not only are we not talking, 300 00:15:22,187 --> 00:15:25,056 But this is the first time in our relationship 301 00:15:25,057 --> 00:15:26,857 I've kept secrets from him. 302 00:15:26,858 --> 00:15:29,126 I mean, I'm keeping something from him right now, 303 00:15:29,127 --> 00:15:32,229 Even though I know it's wrong. 304 00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:35,566 Oh, al. Maybe you can help me handle this. 305 00:15:41,306 --> 00:15:43,307 Wait a minute here, marce. 306 00:15:43,308 --> 00:15:47,078 I know you look at me and just see hunk, but-- 307 00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:52,550 You're not the first who tried to bag the big one. 308 00:15:52,551 --> 00:15:53,917 But, uh... 309 00:15:57,255 --> 00:15:59,623 It can never be. I belong to another. 310 00:15:59,624 --> 00:16:03,027 And, more importantly, I find you physically repulsive. 311 00:16:06,531 --> 00:16:09,700 I don't want you, you shaved ape. 312 00:16:11,102 --> 00:16:13,838 Hey, no need to get personal, chicken legs. 313 00:16:15,740 --> 00:16:17,541 Anyhow... 314 00:16:17,542 --> 00:16:19,977 You remember when I... 315 00:16:19,978 --> 00:16:22,312 Sort of caught that bank robber? 316 00:16:22,313 --> 00:16:25,115 Well, what I didn't tell steve is that they... 317 00:16:25,116 --> 00:16:27,852 Sort of gave me a little reward. 318 00:16:27,853 --> 00:16:29,553 How much? 319 00:16:29,554 --> 00:16:32,189 Twenty five thousand dollars. 320 00:16:35,427 --> 00:16:37,561 Hey, barkeep. 321 00:16:37,562 --> 00:16:41,565 A whiskey for the lady and a deck of cards for me. 322 00:16:43,167 --> 00:16:47,371 Boy, it's really scary being unconscious. 323 00:16:47,372 --> 00:16:49,673 The things you imagine. 324 00:16:49,674 --> 00:16:54,278 I thought two little leprechauns and a redheaded giant 325 00:16:54,279 --> 00:16:55,780 Were going through my pockets. 326 00:17:03,422 --> 00:17:08,058 Then a woman with a mustache gave me a big french kiss. 327 00:17:09,027 --> 00:17:10,360 That was buck. 328 00:17:10,361 --> 00:17:12,563 He thought your tongue was his chew rag. 329 00:17:18,870 --> 00:17:22,940 Well...I can't go through life getting knocked out. 330 00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:25,075 I guess there's no way around it. 331 00:17:25,076 --> 00:17:26,777 Marcie wants me to get a job, 332 00:17:26,778 --> 00:17:28,512 I guess I have to get a job. 333 00:17:28,513 --> 00:17:30,815 Oh, forget about marcie for a minute. 334 00:17:30,816 --> 00:17:32,316 What do you want to do? 335 00:17:32,950 --> 00:17:34,518 I want to be a cowboy. 336 00:17:36,054 --> 00:17:39,856 Well...Let's just say that all the cowboy jobs 337 00:17:39,857 --> 00:17:41,225 Were taken by men. 338 00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:42,359 [laughs] 339 00:17:44,195 --> 00:17:45,896 What's your second choice? 340 00:17:46,998 --> 00:17:48,465 Well... 341 00:17:48,466 --> 00:17:51,534 I was hoping to do something special, 342 00:17:51,535 --> 00:17:53,971 Something that's been on my mind all day. 343 00:17:53,972 --> 00:17:56,207 But I don't have the nerve. 344 00:17:56,208 --> 00:17:59,910 I know you look at me and just see man candy. 345 00:18:04,849 --> 00:18:06,883 But it can never be. 346 00:18:06,884 --> 00:18:09,086 First, I belong to another. 347 00:18:09,087 --> 00:18:11,955 And, second, ha, ha, ha... 348 00:18:13,658 --> 00:18:15,959 You couldn't handle the ride. 349 00:18:27,505 --> 00:18:30,141 I can't even handle the thought. 350 00:18:33,544 --> 00:18:36,347 Ah, forget it. Who cares what I want? 351 00:18:36,348 --> 00:18:38,315 Well, I care, steve. 352 00:18:38,316 --> 00:18:42,085 Look, tomorrow you gotta go out and get some stinking job 353 00:18:42,086 --> 00:18:44,454 You'll be saddled with, just to please marcie. 354 00:18:45,756 --> 00:18:47,624 You really don't want me? 355 00:18:49,060 --> 00:18:50,160 Oh, well. 356 00:18:50,161 --> 00:18:52,729 Anyway, before you do, you owe it to yourself 357 00:18:52,730 --> 00:18:54,664 To do something that pleases you. 358 00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:58,235 Peggy...You're right. 359 00:18:58,236 --> 00:18:59,703 And I'm gonna do it. 360 00:19:01,139 --> 00:19:02,139 Wish me luck. 361 00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:03,507 Good luck. 362 00:19:05,577 --> 00:19:06,777 [sighs] 363 00:19:06,778 --> 00:19:08,311 He wants me. 364 00:19:14,518 --> 00:19:16,120 Last call. 365 00:19:25,363 --> 00:19:27,565 Come on, marcie. It's a normal bar bet. 366 00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:30,201 Twenty five thousand dollars to the one who can hit the bowl 367 00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:32,869 From farthest away. 368 00:19:32,870 --> 00:19:34,972 Shall we? 369 00:19:34,973 --> 00:19:36,640 I got 5 bucks on the broad. 370 00:19:39,411 --> 00:19:41,611 I don't know. 371 00:19:41,612 --> 00:19:45,349 Maybe the smell of this check will wake steve up again. 372 00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:48,285 Maybe it will remind him of the good old days, 373 00:19:48,286 --> 00:19:50,321 When we used to drive to the poor side of town, 374 00:19:50,322 --> 00:19:52,156 And pull up next to some old guy, 375 00:19:52,157 --> 00:19:54,158 And ask him for change of 1000. 376 00:19:54,159 --> 00:19:56,126 [laughs] 377 00:19:56,127 --> 00:19:59,663 Oh, the times we had. 378 00:19:59,664 --> 00:20:01,432 I don't know. 379 00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:04,734 Maybe I've been too hard on him. 380 00:20:04,735 --> 00:20:07,905 I'm gonna tell steve about the money. 381 00:20:07,906 --> 00:20:09,606 Hey, look at this. 382 00:20:09,607 --> 00:20:11,642 And to close, 383 00:20:11,643 --> 00:20:16,146 We have a story about a true moron. 384 00:20:16,147 --> 00:20:18,549 Tonight, an unemployed househusband 385 00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,551 And self-described man of nature, 386 00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:23,253 Thinking that the last caribbean pygmy turtle 387 00:20:23,254 --> 00:20:25,121 Born in captivity was unhappy, 388 00:20:25,122 --> 00:20:28,091 Broke into the zoo aquarium, stole the turtle 389 00:20:28,092 --> 00:20:30,427 And released it into lake michigan. 390 00:20:38,837 --> 00:20:41,505 Apparently, this man of nature 391 00:20:41,506 --> 00:20:44,842 Didn't know it was a saltwater turtle. 392 00:20:44,843 --> 00:20:47,945 Witnesses report bosco tried valiantly 393 00:20:47,946 --> 00:20:49,646 To crawl back out of the water, 394 00:20:49,647 --> 00:20:54,384 Only to be thrown back in by this deranged, unemployed man, 395 00:20:54,385 --> 00:20:58,221 Standing on the bank, singing "born free." 396 00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:01,925 Bosco will be missed. 397 00:21:09,868 --> 00:21:13,770 Bail has been set at $25,000. 398 00:21:13,771 --> 00:21:16,206 Not nearly enough in this reporter's opinion. 399 00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:20,743 Ahh, well. 400 00:21:20,744 --> 00:21:23,680 I guess I know what I have to do. 401 00:21:23,681 --> 00:21:25,415 You gonna go bail him out? 402 00:21:25,416 --> 00:21:27,717 Let him rot. 403 00:21:27,718 --> 00:21:30,687 I'm gonna buy myself a new jag. 404 00:21:37,661 --> 00:21:41,098 Hey, bundy. You ready to settle up your tab? 405 00:21:41,099 --> 00:21:42,099 Yep, I'm ready. 406 00:21:48,539 --> 00:21:51,075 ♪ born free ♪ 407 00:21:51,076 --> 00:21:53,077 ♪ free as the grass grows ♪ 408 00:21:55,146 --> 00:21:57,247 ♪ free as the wind blows ♪ 409 00:22:04,355 --> 00:22:06,522 [♪]